How to Dress Like A Grown-Up

The struggle is so real, folks.

I see people my age, out in the world, dressed like big kids (or, adults maybe), and I don’t even know where to start.

After a tumultuous week, I finally took my Mom’s advice (which was, “men don’t get hints. Be bold! Say, ‘I want this job and you know I’ll be good at it!”), and talked to my boss. And also cried. Because I have overactive tear ducts, and they don’t know what to do in serious situation. I’ve tried talking to them, about controlling themselves, but the moment I started to say, “I’m crushed! I feel like I’ve done a great job these last 6 weeks, and now I’m told I’m ineligible, because of a technicality?!” Cue the tears. Thankfully, my boss has daughters, and obviously understands the struggles of emotional ladies.

The next step will be to interview, on Tuesday (send me positive energy, please). Which means dressing nice. Eeks!

Apart from the 6 months I worked in a salon, all the way back in 2005, my work attire has been bathing suits, and workout clothes. I had to dress up for monthly meetings when I was the Aquatics Coordinator back in Germany, but, not only was that nearly a decade ago, I was also pregnant for more than half of it.

Add to that the whole “Mom” thing. Every time I attempt to shop for myself, I either go crazy buying clothes for my kids, or I stumble into the fitness section and end up with running shorts and workout pants. Sometimes tops. Later I think, “crud! I was there to buy one pair of jeans! How did I end up with 10 neon tank tops!?”

I didn’t even let myself look at the fitness section. No! Booty shorts are not interview appropriate. Are they? Maybe if I was 21 and a size 2. But probably not ever. I don’t know anything about anything.

Have I ever mentioned that I’m a sweaty girl? If I just think about warm weather, I start sweating! Nothing says Professional Lady like boob sweat! That adds extra thought to any outfits. Ooh, pink! Just kidding. Better stick with darker colors. Can I please just wear running pants and a t-shirt?!

Justin was helpful: “What?! No! Sammi, that is not business casual!” Our kids were bored: “Mom? Can we buy something? Anything?!” Xander was full of compliments, as usual, and Shea gave all kinds of style advice, to include choosing this shirt:Nothing says “real, live grownup, who wants a big girl job,” like a t-shirt that reads, “Oh Please.” She gets it.

Outfits have been bought, adult status has hopefully been achieved. Honestly, for me, that was the hardest part of the interview process. I’m an introvert who loves to perform (that has to be an oxymoron), and that’s really all an interview is. Look at that, my performance major is actually relevant in life!