I’m Stuck in Social-Distancing Prison

And time keeps dragging’ on.

It’s actually not been that bad. I can’t say that time’s moving at a normal rate, but it’s better than the never-ending month that was March.

All over the country, states are making the final decisions on the school year. Alabama was actually one of the first 6 states to make the decision, way back on March 26. Honestly, I had already announced that my children would not be going back this school year. I even went so far as to say I would be willing to go to jail–I don’t know about every state, but in Alabama, if your child has more than 7 unexcused absences in a semester, the parent can be charged with Truancy…and spend up to a year in prison.

Which makes me sound like a rebel. I was willing to do jail time to keep my kids safe.

Of course, then Justin and I were watching a show last night, and there was a scene in a prison bathroom–with 6 toilets placed in the center of a room like a porcelain flower. Justin said, “you couldn’t go to jail.” Nope. Nope nope nope. That is every single one of my nightmares.

I can’t even pee in front of Justin–I certainly wouldn’t be able to in front of strangers! He teases me because, after 15 years I still lock the bathroom every time I go in. But I am not about to have him, or anyone else, bust in on me. My sisters tease me–the man has seen me birth babies. He’s seen me be episiotomized…episiotomied…he watched a German doctor “take garden sheers” to my vagina, in order to extract Shea rapidly. He almost passed out, by the way (Rangers are only tough when they aren’t dealing with blood of their loved ones).

So, the truth of the matter is, I’m grateful schools are closed for the rest of the school year–I wouldn’t last a day in jail. At least this way, I only have to last 23 more days as School Teacher!