It’s Not You, it’s Verizon

Since Justin left, I’ve been making sure to do all the things he probably should’ve taken care of before he left–making sure the bank knows he’s out of the country, updating car insurance policies, and of course temporarily suspending his phone number.

Verizon took it upon themselves to do one better…I guess?

Tuesday night, after getting home at almost 8, I grabbed the mail and ran inside to help my kiddos get to bed. I paid no attention to the mail, because it honestly looked like junk–until I caught Emma trying to eat an envelope. Upon grabbing it from her, I realized it was from Verizon.

Instantly I thought, “oh, I bet this is a ‘how was your experience,’ letter,” since Justin and I spent 2 afternoons AT Verizon the week prior, trying to get his phone issue sorted out (they were helpless. But hooray to the lady at the Apple Store who, in under 5 minutes, was able to tell Justin his microphone was broken, and hand him a brand new replacement).

I was so very wrong.

They voted us off the island!


Instead, Verizon had sent me (well, Justin, since the account is in his name), a “Dear John” letter.

Did you SERIOUSLY just break up with me in a LETTER?!?!

I read it; I re-read it. This must be some kind of mistake. I’ve had Verizon since I got my first phone, 16 years ago! I made Justin switch to Verizon when we started talking on the phone so much that our phone bills were getting out of hand (remember free Verizon to Verizon calls? Back before calls were unlimited). Then, after we had to cancel our accounts to move to Germany (which they were awesome about, by the way), we came BACK to Verizon when we got back in 2009. When Justin was deployed, all it took was a phone call, and they temporarily suspended his number, and instantly reactivated it as soon as I called and said he was home. I have talked them up for years, because they’ve been downright awesome!

And this is how we get treated?! You’re breaking up with me?!?!

Yesterday, I called. The customer service woman giggled when I told her we’d been voted off the island. “Well, I see how it could feel that way.” After telling me it was perfectly legal, and all companies do it, she said, “but what Verizon does differently is we waive all cancellation fees and pay off all devices.”

Wait I’m sorry, you waive our cancellation fees?! After telling us we’re being evicted?! Are you flipping joking?!?!

She then told me that things might change in the coming weeks for military families, but, “you should probably go ahead and have a backup carrier, just in case.” Have a backup carrier?! As if I’m going to hold onto my account with you after you already broke up with me?!

I want to say the last time anyone broke up with me was probably 2004. Maybe. My initial reaction upon reading the letter was quite similar: “I can change! What if I use less data!? What if…” By the time I made the phone call, I was no longer a jilted young girl, worried about how she’d go on without him. Nope–you want to drop me, and tell me if nothing better comes along, you might take me back? Sorry, but I’m gone. I’ll take the gifts you’ve given me over our years together, and I appreciate you paying off our phones (especially since we only bought them a few months ago). But I’m not waiting by the phone, hoping you change your mind. This relationship is over!