Talk Dirty To Me

I’m going to tell you a secret: every military couple has sent each other something risqué at some point in their relationship. During WWII, it was probably something along the lines of a sexy photo, and a saucy letter to go along with it. In 2018, we have smartphones!

This isn’t for the faint-of-heart–or my mother. Sorry Mom.

The downside of today’s ability to sext, is the ability to accidentally sext the wrong person. Up until yesterday, it had only been my biggest fear. Send something scandalous to Justin; check 47 times to make sure I actually sent it to Justin, and not my Mom (sorry Mom)!

Nearly 13 years of inappropriate, NC-17 text messages being sent to my husband while he’s been in war zones, or TDY, or now stationed in Korea. And then, while multi-tasking yesterday morning, I texted a co-worker to let him know I couldn’t teach Water Aerobics, because Shea had a doctor’s appointment at that time.

Two minutes later, I texted Justin, telling him I looked fat.

Then I sent a couple of wildly inappropriate texts, that shall not be repeated at this time (or at any time–sorry Mom).

Then another few minutes went by and I wondered why Justin hadn’t responded.

Then, the “oh shit” moment, where I whisper, “please tell me I didn’t send that to….oh my gosh, I did.”

After telling my co-worker I was looking fat yesterday, I proceeded to send him dirty, dirty text messages!!!

Where’s the undo button when you need one!?

Then, out come the outpouring of apologies, as I try to explain to him what happened. Yes, him. Ending with, “I can’t come to work today. There’s a hole I have to crawl into and die.”

I told Justin, all while freaking out. Because, who does that!?!? His response: “no way,” and then he told me he thought it was funny.

Funny?! He obviously didn’t have to spend a day at work with a guy he’d just awkwardly sexted, and then apologized to!!!

15 minutes later when I got to work, we laughed about it. And in my state of total embarrassment, I offered to teach Water Aerobics for him for the rest of eternity.

“Justin said, ‘it could’ve been worse.'”

“I don’t know Sam, that was pretty bad.”

I bet no Army Wife in 1945 thought, “gosh, I hope I didn’t send that to the wrong guy.”

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