Get Up, Covid Get Down With Self-Quarantine

Congratulations, everyone. We made it through the first 6 months of self-quarantine….wait…crap. Let’s try that again.

Congratulations everyone! We’ve made it through the first week of self-quarantine. Here’s what I’ve noticed so far.

Nothing. Has. Changed. At least for me, but as I’ve said before, I am a Master Social-Distancer. Ask an introvert how they’re doing in self-quarantine, and chances are they’ll tell you how amazing it is that no one has dropped by unannounced, or no one has begged them to go out in the world and be social. For the extroverts who are feeling like it’s been 6 months, or maybe even closer to 6 years, just think, what you’re going through right now, is exactly how introverts have felt–forced to do things they really don’t want to do. Sorry, extroverts–you’re in our world now.

Truly though, I think there’s something wrong with my children. Not wrong, but…something is going on. The side-effects of a world without outside influences, maybe? All I know is that Monday morning when I woke up, I prayed that we made it through the week without one murdering the other. By Friday, I noticed…something. Is this…friendship?? Are they getting along?!

My darling angels, who normally spend every waking moment pushing the buttons of the other, were suddenly choosing to spend time together. They spent close to an hour yesterday reading their Pokemon Guidebooks, and no one got punched or scratched! All eyes remained firmly inside their sockets.

They have also spent hours on the trampoline, with the sprinkler (before you shiver to death, my dear Northerners, it is currently 85 and sunny here in the Dirty South).

I’ve been trying to fill their days with learning–you see, unlike the spoiled suburbanites (and possibly urbanites as well), the rural kids don’t have online learning. There is no Google Classroom for rural Alabama children. Our county gave us a list of places we could pick up a packet per student. Our county has a 22% poverty rate. To put that into perspective, Saratoga County NY (chosen because that’s where I grew up) has a 6% poverty rate; no county in NYS has a rate over 18%.

I have noticed a lot of complaining on social media, about how unfair it is that teachers are expecting their students (and parents) to do so much work, while parents are also trying to work from home. I can understand the frustration…but think about the alternative–your child could have been handed a 60 page packet, while in your head you can hear Edward R. Murrow saying, “goodnight, and good luck.”

I am not “education shaming” anyone (is that a thing? I don’t know–I’m probably just making it up). I just want you, the parent frustrated with the daily assignments to know that it could be worse. You could be waking up every morning and thinking, what am I going to attempt to teach my children once they’ve made it through their work packets? What happens if this quarantine lasts longer than these initial 3 weeks? What if I am now responsible for my children’s education, with no guidance for the rest of the school year? For eighteen months!?

You see? You are angry at teacher, who had to figure out how to work from home in under 24 hours. They did not ask for this. This isn’t necessarily something they’ve been doing all along, so chances are they had to learn and work to make this happen. While you are working from home and trying to help children with homework, teachers are are now at home, trying to teach your kids, plus however many other children are in their classroom, plus now also teaching their children. I have seen so many cool posts from educators this past week, who are trying to make the best of a crappy situation. They aren’t perfect, but no one is. We’re all doing out best, and it helps no one to jump on social media and attack teachers for not being able to teach in a classroom. Would you attack nurses for the lack of hospital beds? Would you attack the cashier at the grocery store for the total lack of toilet paper and ground beef?

Who knows. You might. But take a deep breath, and ask yourself–do they have any control over the situation?? Do any of us?

My kids just came inside to inform me that Shea was throwing shoes at Xander…but Xander also wasn’t helping to pick up the water balloon pieces from the trampoline. *Sigh* At least this week is Spring Break–I can pretend my children’s education, and therefore future, isn’t landing 100% on my shoulders.

And for the rest of you, who aren’t on Spring Break, cut these teachers some slack. For the parents who are frustrated with the amount of work they now feel teachers are requiring of them, I promise, there are no teacher kicking back and drinking a beer, while you alone juggle your added daily tasks. For the parents who might not live in a community with fancy schools and chrome books sent home with your children, or google classroom to keep your children’s brains full and growing–well, Goodnight, and Good Luck.

What Was I Thinking?!

There are rules that need to be followed in times of Social-Distancing; as a professional social-distancer, I should know better than to break these rules.

I’m sure most people have seen the meme, reminding folks that, no matter how bored you get, do not cut your own bangs. If only that was what I did.

First, before we get to my latest Social-Distancing-SNAFU, let’s take a trip back in time. The year: 2005. My status: newly (secretly) married, unemployed, in a post-Hurricane Katrina southern town, where frequent newspaper articles discussed the resurgence of carpet-bagging. And there I was, a transplant from New York, desperate to steal jobs away from Georgians. I was broke, and jobless.

Wait–before I continue on–I just opened my blinds and discovered I have not one, but two 4ft tall DANDELIONS in my front garden bed. I guess maybe now would be the time to look up Dandelion Green recipes! These are desperate times (and this is the south).

Ok. Georgia. Late November 2005. I had just gotten off the phone with a friend in NY, who had just gotten a haircut by my hairdresser, and I was feeling a little…I guess FOMO? EOHC (That would be Envy of HairCuts…but it really doesn’t have the same ring)? I had already been cutting my own hair–it was short, and I would shave up the back and trim up the top. Fun. And. Spiky. In that moment, I decided I wanted to give a pixie-cut a try. So, clippers in hand, with the #6 guard, I made an absolutely illegal move–I shaved right down the middle of my head…and instantly shouted, “oh shit!” Too late to come back from this terrible decision, I finished the job, and texted Justin: I did something really bad.

There it is: proof that you shouldn’t make spur of the moment decisions in times of extreme social distancing. Don’t listen to the voice saying, “do it! This is a good idea! You definitely won’t regret this in 5 seconds!” That voice is a dirty liar who will cut and run the second you realize it’s a bad idea, and you will definitely regret it.

Fourteen years later, I found myself participating in once again, listening to bad ideas, instigated by the voice who is just trying to get me in trouble. “Ooh, you know what would be fun?! Let’s play around with your website, and push buttons and try things, and see what happens! Doesn’t that sound like fun?! At 9:45pm, when your husband is halfway through a 38hr shift, and you can’t sleep, because you don’t know how to adult when he isn’t home to tell you to go to bed, mistakes will be made.

…and, save. And….shit. It was gone. Well, it was there, but it was sad and broken, and kept telling me something went wrong. No kidding, something went wrong! You let me think I knew what I was doing!!! I tried and tried to think of how I could fix this: maybe if I just say, “please be there, please be there, please be there,” over and over again, it will self-correct? By 1am, I gave up. I started contemplating actual solutions that would lead to results.

This morning, I woke up with a possible solution. I didn’t love what I had to do next…

Let me just say, that, as an introvert who can lean toward the edge of recluse, I have some really amazing friends scattered around the world….and I might go years without talking to them.

That’s where I found myself this morning. I hate asking for help, when the person I’m asking is someone I haven’t spoken to in half a decade. It has nothing to do with not wanting to reach out–it just feels…selfish. “Hey, I know it’s been 5 years, and how are you, and also, please help me fix my foolish blunder.”

Friendship is a magical thing. Two hours later, with a minimal amount of help from me:
“How do you normally sign in?”
“I don’t know. I click the link and I’m there.”
He saved my life…or at least my website. We both can appreciate a healthy amount of social distancing–introverts of the world, unite. Just–stay on your own side.
“THANK YOU again for saving my blog. Let’s not wait 5 years for another technical emergency, to get back in contact.”
“Technical emergency IN A PANDEMIC! Hopefully, those two will never coincide again.”

Truth be told, one lead to the other. Pompous Pandemic Pluck…and that dirty voice that needs to stop giving me bad advice!

Tom wants to help you too! I mean, he didn’t say that, really. But, I’m a parent. And I know some parents. And this could come in handy, while we’re all keeping our distance, and slowly losing our minds. Just like that, my friend is now helping you! Promoting Pandemic…Philanthropy?

I’m Judging Me

Anxiety is super judgy. It makes everyone stare at you, watching your every move.

Except, none of it is real and it’s all in your head. Your brain is the only judgy bitch in the room.

Today was Thanksgiving Lunch at school. Every year I have to force myself to go, and not be a total freak. Once again, Justin was unable to join me today, so I found myself going it alone. Which makes it worse. I can handle public situations like a boss when I have someone to hide behind.

Even though I fought with myself all morning (I don’t have to go. They’ll never notice), I sucked it up and went. Arriving early, just like they suggested. I signed in, grabbed my visitor sticker, paid, and when they called first grade parents, in I went.

I sat in a room full of strangers, proud of the face that I was doing it, and even though I hated it, I was here. The kids started pouring in. And then I realized what a terrible mistake I had made: Xander is in second grade. I was so busy making sure I survived this trauma, that I panicked and jumped the gun on actually going in.

While the first grade parents were locating their children, and the kindergarten parents were saying goodbye to theirs, I snuck out the door with my to-go container full of Thanksgiving Lunch. I hid the evidence of my failure in my car, took a deep breath and tried again.

Did I survive? Yes. Did I actually eat lunch with my kids? Well, no. But I was there.

As I headed out to my car at the end of it all, my brain announced, “good job–I knew you could do it.” Oh shut up, you judgy bitch. Where were you 2 hours ago when I needed the pep talk!?