Tore Your What?!

Life with Justin is nothing, if not exciting. And often comical. This is entirely out of love.

You need to know that Justin has a way with words. His own special way. Whether it’s throwing down “scraw” on the scrabble board and then defending it with, “you know—pine scraw.” Or deciding on what movie “gene-ree” we should watch. In case there’s confusion, it is pine straw, and genre. I refer to it as Justinese. His own special language of greatness.

About a week before Easter, as we sat at the dinner table, Justin said to me, “so Jeremy’s wife is Episcopalian—you know where I’m going with this.” No, no I don’t. I wondered if she had some wild Easter tradition that was religiously based. Justin continued: “she only eats fish.”

Cue the uncontrollable laughter. “Justin, it’s pescatarian. Episcopalian is a religion!”

This has been discussed, and giggled about, ever since. Honestly, I think what makes it even more hilarious is the way he matter-of-factly makes these statements.

Yesterday, he outdid himself, and I love it.

He walked into the kitchen after work and said, “so, I tore my labium.”

“Wow,” I said. “Me too—when I was birthing Xander.”

Justin rolled his eyes. “Not my labia. My labium. In my shoulder.” This, of course, is the first time I’ve heard of the dreaded shoulder vagina tear. I google it. And of course, it’s actually his labrum—the cartilage in his shoulder.

Take a moment to giggle at Justin’s torn shoulder vagina. Thank you for being amazingly adamant…and so very wrong, all at once.